yesterday we saw dr. barry. it was a great appointment. we talked about a few different things. i told her about the depression. we talked a little about coping and how i was managing it. she kept reassuring me that i dont give myself enough credit, that i was doing well despite everything. i thanked her for giving me the extra appointments instead of putting me in the hospital. i talked to her about my need for contact, since that has ramped up again recently. she kept telling me that it was ok, that its not a straight line, and sometimes i will need more contact than other times. and thats ok. she’s willing to provide the extra contact if i need it. so that was good. we had a long discussion about medications and taking them. i havent been taking mine as prescribed. mostly because of the dissociation and just being forgetful and having nobody to remind me to take them and then when i do remember its too late and i have to skp doses. she asked me to have the pharmacy blister pack my meds. she said at least hat way i’ll know exactly what i’ve taken. she also said i could move some of my morning meds to night time. so i’ll be moving my seizure meds and my lyrica to the night time. she said she thinks that will be better for me and i should be able to tolerate the high dose 300 mg of lyrica all at once but if i cant that we can look at it again. she said she’d be writing to my gp to tell him we had a long discussion and this is the plan going forward. i started to flip out at one point because she said she was going to tell my gp that we’d had a long discussion about compliance. i thought she was saying i was non compliant and so i kind of freaked out. but she reassured me she knows there are multiple factors at play as to why i am not taking my meds and it isnt because i dont want to take them. she said the compliance word is just a general term that is used and not to worry she doesnt think i am doing it on purpose. so that was good. we talked about sleep but she said since i am not taking my meds right that there really is no point is adding in a sleeping tablet and the lyrica at a higher dose at night might just do the trick and allow me to sleep better. if not then i do have phenorgan to fall back on. or she said i could take an extra haldol is all else fails. so it was a good appointment. i told her about moms medical issues. she was sympathetic and said i had a lot to deal with that was outside of my control. which is true i guess. i am seeing her again tomorrow. i am also seeing our OT mark tomorrow morning.