crying spells and inner turmoil

i spent an hour earlier just crying. the flood gates opened and i couldnt stop. and now i dont feel too good. i thought the tears would help me feel somewhat better. but all it did was make me feel like a failure. i should be strong. i should be able to cope. i should i should i should. thats all i keep thinking. why am i like this? the little parts are so anxious and fearful. we’ve been thinking about our mom. and are worrying about her now again. i started reading to try to distract. i am rereading a cathy glass book called the saddest girl in the world. its an emotional read but i love her books. i read two chapters. it did take my mind off of my worries for a while too so thats good. the little parts are really feeling like they need to talk with dr. barry this morning. probably they wont, but just being in the same room with her will help them. she is not opposed to talking to them and has done in the past. but mostly i come out or liz does. we are the two she most talks to of all of us. i am hungry but i dont know what to eat. i am thinking maybe i’ll grab something on my way to dr. barrys office. stop off and grab something. thats if i get a taxi driver who knows me. ok better go ring my mom and check in with her. see you all later.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

13 thoughts on “crying spells and inner turmoil”

  1. Okay I’m gonna say this as gently as I possibly can. Stop judging yourself. In fact, take the word should right the fuck out of your vocabulary. I know it’s hard to do. But you are not a failure for crying. Emotions are never to be judged. Crying is not weak. It’s a very legitimate response to the situation you’re going through now. In fact I would think you were a heartless cunt if you didn’t cry at least a little bit while worrying about something happening to your mother. Things have not always been great with our system and our mother either, but they are better now than they have been in a very long time and if I thought something could happen to her, even a tough bastard like me would have some tears to shed. Probably more than a few, I’d probably cry my eyes out, I think we all would. So please don’t judge yourself for having a crying spell. I might not like you so much if you didn’t. You are strong, stronger than you’ll ever know, but you’re going through a huge amount right now and crying is okay. It’s always okay.

    hugs Corey

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello carol Anne,

    There are no shoulds. It’s ok. It’s understandable that young insiders are feeling really anxious. It’s scary that something might happen to our parents no matter how old we get. What would help you all feel calmer?

    sl >

    Liked by 1 person

  3. i had a therapist who addressed the ‘should’ problem. she said ‘don’t ‘should’ on yourself because you are putting up bars which you can’t reach and making yourself feel bad about it when you don’t have to. so try to not should on yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope that by nowyou will have had a successful talk with Dr. Barry. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to have to cover the bases for more than one person all the time. I hope the little parts are feeling better now after the session.

    Liked by 1 person

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