MORE RAMBLING THOUGHTS FROM LIZ

I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. PART OF ME THINKS I NEED TO GO BE SEEN AT THE HOSPITAL. BUT THEN THE STRONGER PART OF ME SAYS NO. I DONT WANT TO GET TAKEN INTO HOSPITAL. I DONT THINK IT WOULD REALLY DO ME ANY GOOD. YES IT WOULD KEEP ME SAFE. BUT IN RATIONAL MOMENTS I WANT TO FIGHT THIS. I WANT TO TRY TO MANAGE IT MYSELF. WITH EILEENS HELP. AND DR. BARRYS HELP. I THINK I’M JUST GOING TO HOPE EILEEN RESPONDS. AND THEN ON WEDNESDAY I’M GOING TO TALK TO DR. BARRY ABOUT HOW I AM FEELING. I TRUST DR. BARRY. SHE WILL KNOW WHAT I NEED. I’LL PUT MY FAITH IN HER. HOPING IF EILEEN RESPONDS TONIGHT SHE’LL BE ABLE TO CALM ME DOWN. RIGHT NOW I’M IN FLIGHT OR FIGHT MODE. MY ADRENALINE IS REALLY KICKING IN. I’M FEELING IRRATIONAL, FEARFUL, SAD, ALL AT ONCE. I ALSO FEEL VERY IMPULSIVE. I FEEL YOUNG, YOUNGER THAN 16. I FEEL CHILDLIKE. LIKE A YOUNG PART OF ME HAS TAKEN HOLD. I AM BASICALLY WRITING TO KEEP MY HANDS BUSY. I THINK WHEN I POST THIS I’LL GO MAKE SOME TEA. I DONT HAVE ANY HERBAL TEAS THOUGH. THE THOUGHTS OF ENDING IT ARE SO STRONG JUST NOW. THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME IS NITRO. I WOULDNT I COULDNT DO IT TO HIM. HE DEPENDS ON ME HE NEEDS ME. IT WOULDNT BE FAIR TO KILL MYSELF AND LEAVE HIM NEVER KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS MOMMY.
LIZ

Advertisements

Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “MORE RAMBLING THOUGHTS FROM LIZ”

  1. Can you go and snuggle under a blanket with Nitro until you get a call back. Allow yourself to match your breathing with us. Hug him and feel him breathe in and out and allow your breathe to match his. Feel his unconditional love and care for you. Sending you prayers and safe hugs

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s