wednesday update

i woke up this morning feeling totally off. just felt so bla. did not want to go see dr. barry. well it wasnt that i didnt want to see her, it was that i didnt want to wait for hours in a packed waiting room. so i rang her secretary and told her I wouldnt be coming in. i told her to phone me with a new appointment once she’d spoken to dr. barry. of course that didnt happen. i waited until 2 PM then I rang back to see if dr. barry had given me a new appointment. She hadnt. the secretary said she was too busy and she hadnt had a chance to talk to her yet. so i still dont know if I am meant to go in next wednesday or not. hopefully she’ll ring me tomorrow.
i probably made the wrong decision in not going in to see dr. barry. since i already had no therapy this week it would have been good if I would have seen her. just for support if nothing else. i was going to text eileen and ask for a phone check in tomorrow. i havent done it yet. i’m still debating whether i should do it or not. probably i will tomorrow though. being without both therapy and my psychiatry apt is having a negative effect on me.
i feel unstable. my body feels tense. my chest hurts. my stomach is clenching. my heart is racing. emotionally i feel really sad and fearful. not sure what it is thats making me so fearful. i just know i feel it all over. it feels as if my whole body has anxiety coarsing through it. i have been drinking coffee, i suppose i shouldnt. its probably making things worse.
my mom and sister came over to my house today. they stayed for a couple of hours. my nephew was also here. he was playing in the spare bedroom with all the toys we have a lot of toys. he loves coming to our house because we have so much toys. mom cooked me dinner. my phn public health nurse also called to see me today. she had a colleague with her, another nurse. i felt kinda uncomfortable with another strange nurse being here looking at me while the regular nurse dressed the area where the abscesses are. she said she was happy with how they looked and that she felt they were healing nicely. i’m taking an antibiotic for them so thats probably helping things along. she said she’d come back next week on tuesday.
i’m just so nervous. i think because its night time and night time is my worst time. i have the tv on for background noise. i’m watching a documentary about kids who are going through gender disphoria. its really good. i also watched 24 hours in A and E. i like medical documentaries.

Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

6 thoughts on “wednesday update”

  1. hey sorry you feel so terrible. I have heard about the documentary you are watching. It’s all over twitter as this week is transgender awareness week. Hope you feel better and if you need to chat, hit me up here or twitter.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, this is one of those in hindsight things where you probably should have gone to see Dr. Barry, but since you didn’t, I hope you can get a check in from Eileen. I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit off tonight. Could it be one of the others that is really feeling bad and so it makes you feel bad too? I know Liz wasn’t feeling so good a few days ago. Do you have any comforting music you could listen to? I know that music sometimes helps me when I’m upset.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I turned the radio on that’s helping some. Liz isn’t feeling good still and neither is Alicia. So it could be their feelings transferring to me. Either way I hate it and it makes me feel like crap


  3. Just checking in and saw you were having a tough night. So sorry to hear that. Seems to be going around. Might be the full moon having its affect on everyone. Be gentle with yourself, maybe wrap yourself and the littles ones in a nice, warm blanket and listen to some of your new music. Hoping you feel better soon. And hoping you can get a check in with Eileen tomorrow too

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well gosh I forgot about the full moon no wonder I’m having a tough time. How did I forget about it? I always seem to forget ritual dates, they seem to blank from my memory somehow. Thanks for commenting and checking in with me. I really appreciate it. Xx


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