THERAPY MONDAY. WENDY WORKS WITH HER YOUNG PARTS

I HAD ALL OF OUR THERAPY TIME TODAY. AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SESSION EILEEN ASKED WHO NEEDED TIME AND I TOLD CAROL ANNE THAT I DID SO THEN CAROL ANNE RELAYED THE MESSAGE TO EILEEN AND SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO COME OUT TO TALK. SO I DID.
WE TALKED ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS. MAINLY MY FEELINGS. I TOLD HER I HAD FELT SO ANGRY WITH HER FOR NOT RESPONDING, AND THEN SHE DID AND I FELT BAD FOR BEING SO ANGRY. SHE ASKED ME WHAT WAS BEHIND THE ANGER TOWARDS HER. I SAID IT HADNT REALLY BEEN HER. THAT LIZ HAD HAD AN ARGUMENT WITH OUR DAD ON FRIDAY WHICH REALLY TRIGGERED ME. AND I WAS ALSO ANGRY AT CAROL ANNE FOR TRYING TO GET RECORDS FROM FORMER THERAPISTS. SHE HAS CHANGED HER MIND NOW AND DOESNT WANT THE RECORDS AFTER ALL. BUT I WAS TRIGGERED AND ACTIVATED BY ALL OF THAT, TOO. EILEEN ASKED ME WHAT HAPPENS WHENI GET ACTIVATED. I TOLD HER I HAD A LOT OF SENSATIONS IN MY BODY AND THAT I DONT LIKE THAT. SHE SAID THEY ARE JUST FEELINGS, I TOLD HER I AM USED TO NUMBING OUT, AND NOT FEELING MY FEELINGS. SHE SAID SHE COULD SEE THAT I WAS FINDING IT REALLY DIFFICULT TO HOLD ANGER. SHE ASKED ME WHAT DO I NORMALLY DO. MY RESPONSE WAS NUMB OUT, OR HURT MY BODY. CUT, DRINK, COMFORT EAT, OR FEEL SUICIDAL. WE TALKED ABOUT SUICIDE AND FEELING SUICIDAL. I TOLD HER I COULD FEEL YOUNGER PARTS OF ME, TEEN PARTS, AROUND 13 OR 14. THEY ARE IMPULSIVE. THEY DO THINGS WITHOUT THINKING THROUGH THE CONSEQUENCES. SHE ASKED ME TO SIT WITH THEM. TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS THEY NEED. SO I DID. I SAID THE NEXT TIME I FEEL THEM BECOMING IMPULSIVE, I’D SIT WITH THEM AND TRY TO BREATHE THROUGH IT. KEEP TELLING THEM THAT THE FEELINGS WILL PASS. THAT THEY WONT LAST FOREVER. SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS A GREAT IDEA. SHE KEPT REASSURING THE YOUNG PARTS THAT THEY ARENT ON THEIR OWN. THEN SHE ASKED ME TO LIST EVERYONE IN MY LIFE WHO CARES FOR ME. SO I DID. SHE TOLD ME TO LET THE YOUNG PARTS KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE WHO CARE. THEN WE GOT ON TO TALKING ABOUT CARE. AND THE CARE FROM OUR ABUSERS VERSUS THE CARE FROM PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE NOW. WE TALKED ABOUT IT BEING TOTALLY CONFUSING, BECAUSE MY MAP IS TO THINK THAT PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE BEHIND EVERYTHING THAT THEY DO. AND ITS HARD FOR ME NOT TO THINK LIKE THAT. WHEN I AM NOT TRIGGERED OR ACTIVATED I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE. BUT WHEN I AM IN A BAD PLACE I CANT. WE TALKED TOO ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, AND HOW THE YOUNGER PARTS OF ME FEAR DOING SOMETHING WRONG THAT WILL END THEM FOR US. WE TALKED ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH EILEEN. SHE ASKED ME IF I KNEW THAT WHEN SHE SAYS SHE CARES THAT SHE MEANS IT AND SHE DOESNT WANT ANYTHING IN RETURN. SOMEHOW WE GOT ON TO TALKING ABOUT THE BOUNDARIES OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. AND I TOD HER I FELT SAFE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP MOSTLY BECAUSE I KNEW WHERE WE STOOD. I KNOW WHAT HER BOUNDARIES WERE.
I FELT DRAINED AFTER THE SESSION. BUT I FEEL A LOT OF GOOD WORK WAS DONE DURING THE SESSION. THE YOUNGER PARTS OF ME, THOSE TEEN PARTS, FEEL BETTER. MORE CALM. SAFE. VALIDATED. LIKE SHE HEARD THEM AND LISTENED. AND THATS WHAT THEY NEED.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

3 thoughts on “THERAPY MONDAY. WENDY WORKS WITH HER YOUNG PARTS”

  1. I’m glad you had a good talk and I hope you are feeling better today 🙂
    And it’s true, try to remember who cares about you and you’ll be amazed realizing how many all those people are 🙂 ❤
    Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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