EMAIL I SENT EILEEN

ITS WENDY. I DEBATED WRITING YOU. I DONT THINK I DESERVE TO BOTHER ANYONE. BUT LIZ SAID I SHOULD. SHE SAID YOU WOULDNT MIND GETTING MY EMAIL.
I FEEL SUICIDAL. I AM ALL MIXED UP. I FEEL LIKE JUST TAKING A BUNCH OF PILLS TO END IT. I DONT FEEL LIKE I DESERVE CARE. BUT PART OF ME SOME YOUNGER PART WANTS SOMEONE TO CARE. MAYBE THAT IS WHY I AM REACHING OUT TO YOU. PART OF ME WANTS YOU TO SAY DONT DO IT AND I CARE AND STUFF. CRAZY RIGHT?
I HAD A SLEEPLESS NIGHT LAST NIGHT. HORRIBLE NIGHTMARES. WEIRD DREAMS. CRAZY DREAMS. AND I AM EXHAUSTED.
SO MAYBE ITS JUST MY CRAZY BRAIN ACTING ALL WEIRD. WHO KNOWS?
BUT I REALLY REALLY FEEL LIKE ID BE BETTER OFF DEAD. I AM ALSO AFRAID. AFRAID OF LIVING LIFE. AFRAID OF MYSELF AND MY PAST TRAUMAS. AFRAID OF REMEMBERING.
WENDY

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

14 thoughts on “EMAIL I SENT EILEEN”

  1. Hi Wendy. I’m not Eileen, but I wanted to comment on how you are feeling. I know that many times we feel bad and it seems that the way we feel is true, but many times it’s not. Those dreams you have are just dreams. If you die, then everybody dies, and I’m sure you don’t want that. I know you care about the littles and the bigger ones and they care about you. I am praying for you and the others and that Carol Anne will feel better because I know that when she feels calm, it makes you feel safe. Just remember, any choice you make affects everybody else. I’m sending a big hug for you and everyone else.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi many of us…. what courage to send that email. Even more courageous is waiting for her to email you back and give you the support she can provide your parts. Please stay strong. Sending you warm thoughts. You are so worth it and all of you deserve peace and happiness

    Liked by 1 person

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