Letting go

Sad eyes, so blue
So hopeless, so true
So cold, so dead
All you remember is what they said
They laughed at you
And called you names
You walked away and ignored their games
They called out to you and tormented you but still,
you kept silent and held your will
But when you come home, you just let go
You cry all those tears, no one else does know
You think thoughts quickly
They come lightning fast
You cant forget about them
They are a part of your past
You lie on your bed and look up at the stars
You wonder how long it would take you to be carried to mars
You wish to just forever be taken away
They wouldnt care, at least thats what they say
And still you live day in and day out
They tease you and taunt or shout
But you carry on and ignore their every word
You block them out
their calls go unheard
And still you walk home with your head held high
You sware you wont give in to their every lie
They say that your fat and ugly too
But you disagree, as you stare into the mirror
And yet you still feel it, the want growing nearer
It calls your name and holds your every thought
You dont know the meaning of life
You’ve already forgot
But you must go on, your heart screams aloud
And yet you know its time
Soon you’ll make your home a cloud
The next day was almost like a release
You knew it would be over soon
And then there would be peace
The last time you walked your path
You walked it in silence
There were no more tears
They all seemed to just disappear
You know that people will forget after just one year
And yet they will never know
Your hate, your fear
You reach your home and no one is there
Its the beginning of the end but you can no longer care
You went through the motions of being normal and good
But people didnt notice your unhappiness when you stood
You go into the back of the kitchen and take your curse
The thing you felt calling
For better or worse
You hold on to it tight
Not willing to take a chance
You wonder where you’ll go
Will you and the devil dance?
Your thoughts spin just like they’ve always done
Its almost over now
You’ve passed step one
You walk into the bathroom and stare into the mirror
You smash it until its broken
Your reality growing clearer
The bottle of pills before you
Begins to look dearer and dearer
Your smile turns dark, your smile is small
You start to swallow
You begin to fall
You look up at the sky and you remember
The feeling of cold and deep december
The feeling of your skin
And your heart letting go
And the promises you made and broke so very long ago

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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