i’m struggling, really really struggling. i cant sleep. and i havent slept good in days. i dont sleep unless i am absolutely exhausted. and even when i do sleep its fitful sleep. i dont see how i can keep going. the flashbacks are horrendous. new memories are coming thick and fast. and i am scared. and i am not coping. and i dont know whether to just say to hell with it and ask dr. barry to hospitalise me. i feel like if i do that then i’m giving in and being weak. i feel like a failure. like i should just suck it up and be strong. but i’ve honestly tried for two weeks and things just arent getting any easier. and i feel trapped. i am seeing dr. barry today. this morning, in a couple hours. maybe i just need to talk to her and see what she thinks. maybe she will have some ideas. she told me on monday that i need to give myself credit because i’ve been trying really hard. it has taken all the will power i have to try to manage outside of the hospital. and i just dont know if i can keep it up indefinitely. there is never a good time to go in, but i wonder if now is the right time. i just dont know. i’ll just wait and see what happens today i guess.