just dont know what to do

i’m struggling, really really struggling. i cant sleep. and i havent slept good in days. i dont sleep unless i am absolutely exhausted. and even when i do sleep its fitful sleep. i dont see how i can keep going. the flashbacks are horrendous. new memories are coming thick and fast. and i am scared. and i am not coping. and i dont know whether to just say to hell with it and ask dr. barry to hospitalise me. i feel like if i do that then i’m giving in and being weak. i feel like a failure. like i should just suck it up and be strong. but i’ve honestly tried for two weeks and things just arent getting any easier. and i feel trapped. i am seeing dr. barry today. this morning, in a couple hours. maybe i just need to talk to her and see what she thinks. maybe she will have some ideas. she told me on monday that i need to give myself credit because i’ve been trying really hard. it has taken all the will power i have to try to manage outside of the hospital. and i just dont know if i can keep it up indefinitely. there is never a good time to go in, but i wonder if now is the right time. i just dont know. i’ll just wait and see what happens today i guess.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

14 thoughts on “just dont know what to do”

  1. I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. (((((hugs)))))
    Yes, I’d say tell Dr Barry all of this at your appointment this morning and be guided by her as to what course of action to take.
    Whatever happens you are definitely not weak or a failure. You are strong, courageous, talented, caring and lovely!
    X

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks. You are very kind to say all of those nice things about me. I will let Dr Barry decide. I will just be honest with her and teller how things are for me even though she mostly already knows. Hopefully she can figure out the best course of action to take. XX

      Liked by 1 person

  2. sounds like the hospital might help with your sleep. I know for me, once I was in a safe environment where I couldn’t hurt myself, it helped my sleep. Just a thought. sending you hugs and you are NOT a failure for being the way you are. It’s bullshit to say I am strong or weak because of the mental illness that we have. You are a very brave person fighting demons that only you know about. Please give yourself credit for getting this far and NOT injuring yourself in the process. xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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