Stabilisation plan

so after spending all of last night in a triggered state and very overwhelmed, suicidal, and agitated and anxious, i texted eileen this morning. i texted her at 8 AM. i told her a little about the night, what was going on with us and i asked her to please call me back if she was free during the day. then i got ready and went to see karen o our nutritionist. while i was with karen eileen called me back. at first i panicked thinking i wouldnt be able to talk to her but by then karen knew what was going on too and she told me to go ahead and talk to eileen and she’d leave the room for a few minutes and give me some space. i managed to blurt out to eileen a little of how triggered and suicidal i feel. she was very concerned and immediately asked me if i’d like to come in for an extra session. she said the only time she had available was at tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM. i said i’d like to take her up on that offer so i’m going to therapy in the morning. in the meantime she told me to try to stay safe and if i needed to that i should go to our parents to stay safe but i didnt do that. i also asked karen my nutritionist to refer me to the weekend team. she filled out the paperwork while i was with her and now the referral has gone in and they will call me on both saturday and sunday and they will also visit me if i need that. i told her to have them call me and i’d be able to see whether a visit was necessary or not. she wrote on the paperwork about my overdosing and cutting history and that i was at a risk of self harm and about my low mood and about the police having visited last sunday and a couple other things. i feel safer now that the referral has gone in. between the session with eileen and the weekend team i feel things are in place and hopefully i can hold on until dr. barry gets back and i see her on monday. in the meantime i have tried to just go on with my normal daily routine. i went to the basement club today and i volunteered there. i also spent some time just chatting to other members and had some coffee and cake and i spoke a little bit too at the community catch up. i’m going to go again tomorrow after therapy. just gotta keep busy and try to keep my mind occupied to get through this hard time and the next couple of days until i see dr. barry on monday.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “Stabilisation plan”

  1. I’m glad you have a plan now. As triggered and scared as I know you are feeling, I always think a plan helps make things safer and less frightening. I’m really impressed with how you are still going on with your normal routine and staying busy. That is really strong of you to do. Sending hugs and support. Xxđź’ź

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    1. Thanks Alice. I don’t feel very strong but I suppose it is kind of a strong thing to do. That’s just me though, I try to be normal at all costs, sometimes I try to hard and then a big crisis in sues and I end up in the hospital. Hoping that won’t happen this time. XX

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      1. I hope so too. I really understand the needing to be “normal” at all costs, because it is sort of my default mode….to just be this perfect little robot like girl my parents raised me to be. I have to be okay and fine at all costs. But really, it is okay to not be okay. Let me say that again, because I think it is Important. It is okay to not be okay. It’s okay to just breathe or to be hurt and sad and to need to take things minute by minute.

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