afraid to get well

i’ve talked about this before but i need to talk about it some more. in therapy lately we’ve been discussing stability and becoming well. i find that every time we start to level off, become stable, we panick. then something happens, we slide, go downhill again. i think it is because we are afraid of losing our support. we are afraid of losing dr. barry and eileen. so we think we need to stay a certain way in order to keep them. its sad really. we are trying hard to overcome this. eileen tells us that recovery is not linear. and i try to believe her. i am just so used to people leaving, going away, its all i know. i’m not used to people sticking around. seeing us through. hoping this gets easier in time. and that it will feel less scary. right now it feels very very scary.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “afraid to get well”

  1. I struggle with this too. Even though it sucks, it feels safer to remain depressed. Not sure what the answer is, but since you are talking with Eileen about it, thats a good step.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I think it will be. I’m glad I decided to do that, it’s hard to talk about it but necessary to in order to try to gain some perspective and maybe get and stay well and still not lose support of my team

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I do understand how you feel. I had this conversation with my therapist this morning and she said something similar. I’ve known you in the blogging world for a long time, Carol anne and I know we have both been through so much and so many ups and downs in that time. I’m sure your support team won’t abandon you because you are getting well – hopefully, they will want to be part of that journey.

    I know I’m not always here for you as much as I used to be but please know that even though I don’t reply to all of your posts and quite often these days, I’m not around a lot, I do care and I do think of you. Hugs, Ellie xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Ellie, I appreciate it, I know you’re busy and you are off and don’t have time to reply or respond, that’s okay, the fact that you even read some of my posts mean so much to me, I hope you’re right about my team, I think you are though, I think you’ll be around even when I start to get well and stay well

      Liked by 1 person

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