Anger and pain

shes in pain
but she struggles hard
and only shows anger
its turned inward
toward herself
one who wont fight back
she rages in memories
and refuses to cry
swallowing hard
choking on self loathing
why is it herself
she releases the beast on
maybe its because
theres no retaliation
or maybe its misplaced
shes forgotten who was wrong
she was just a child
doing the bidding of adults
yet she finds herself to blame
for all the world that trembled
and she blames herself
for what slipped thru little fingers
but who was there to catch her
and clean up the mess
mother, father, were not
and where were the rest
i think when someone learns to rely
only on themselves
they also learn to place the blame
with that person too
so anger becomes self hate
because you are safe and unabandoning
;but why doesnt love
ever become self love?

Liz

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland. View all posts by Carol anne