Yesterday after doing my exam I went to see Dr. Barry. It was a really good apt. I had decided the night before after thinking about it for a long time and after friends had advised me that I needed to talk to her about my anxiety and ptsd, as that’s been getting worse these last few weeks. Most of you know I am not a fan of meds. I will avoid taking them if I can. Friends had advised me to ask Dr. Barry to give me something for anxiety and also for insomnia. I had asked abouta med for insomnia a couple weeks ago and she’d given me 2 weeks supply of one, but then I hadnt taken it because I didnt feel comfortable doing that. Anyway I had decided yesterday that i was going to ask her for a med to help with the anxiety. So when we went in I started telling her about the previous day, when I’d felt so anxious and triggered that I just wanted to bolt. She asked me if I was able to pinpoint when it got worse, and I said I didnt have that awareness. She said I need to practice trying to become aware of the anxiety and what starts to heighten it and become mindful of it before it peaks. Easier said than done. I told her me and Eileen did that safe place exercise last week, remember the beach scene we did using EMDR? She was impressed and said to keep reinforcing that scene even when I dont need it because it is going to help me in the long run. Eileen had actually said the exact same thing to me last week. Eventually I said Dr. Barry, I’m going to ask you something but I am so scared to ask. Can I have a med to help with anxiety? She didnt say yes straight away. But she did say we’d talk about it. I told her how it was incredibly hard for me to ask for what I need, I was afraid of rejection, or that she might invalidate my needs. Rationally I did know she wouldnt, she isnt that way inclined. But my brain was in overtime, emotionally I was so scared and frightened. She asked me what would happen if she disagreed with me, I said I didnt know but probably the likelihood is that my world would come crashing down and I wouldnt ask again. She said she didnt disagree with me, and that she found it admirable that over the last year we havent really focused on medications, I told her part of the reason i was afraid was because I thought she might think I just wanted meds, an easy option, an easy way out of a hard situation. She said Carol anne, when do you ever ask me for meds? The answer is never. So that isnt even an option. I was glad she didnt think I was always looking for meds. The truth is I am kinda anti medication lol. To be asking her for them was huge for me. She said she wanted to wait until Mondays appointment, to see how I am doing then, but if by Monday I still wasnt any better she’d put me on lyrica again. I’ve taken it in the past for a couple of months. She said she thought lyrica was the best option for my anxiety, because you can come on and off it without much problems. And you dont have to take it for two weeks before you see the benefits of using it. I told her I dont want anything addictive, and I dont want anything that is gonna make me look drugged. She agreed. We talked about some doctors pushing meds, and I said I didnt like that approach. She said for things like insomnia and anxiety meds were a last resort and that there are other ways of coping with it, but so many people just want to resort to medications when it isnt necessary. I’m glad I’m not like that. It was a good appointment and I’m glad I decided to ask her for what I needed.