Thursday Therapy session

Therapy yesterday was intense. I knew it would be though. I had talked to Eileen a couple times during the week, both on the phone and we’d also emailed back and forth.
We started off doing some EMDR. We did an exercise where we brought up a safe place. Eileen said it could be a place I liked to go, or a place I thought I’d feel safe in, but it shouldnt be a place associated with a lot of memories. So I decided to pretend I was on a beach. So we worked with the beach image and went through a whole scene while using the pulsers. At the end she had me think of a word that would conjure up the image of this safe place. I said freedom, because imagining myself there made me feel free, light, and it also made me feel happy and joyous. So she told me whenever I think of freedom that I could go there, and I did not have to wait until I was stressed or overwhelmed, that I should practice it as much as I could because each time I bring the image up and imagine my safe place I will reinforce it.
After the EMDR we talked about college, and managing the did and ptsd symptoms. I told Eileen how I did not do well in large crowds, and busy areas and that cant really be avoided in college. But I have found myself running out of the building more often lately. Just to get away from everything and be on my own and have some space to think. I find it hard to ask the staff for support too when my symptoms get more severe. I need to try to do better about that. Eileen asked me if my not being able to see was partly the problem too. Because in a large crowd I have no clue whats going on, for example. I have no gage on facial expressions, on whose doing what etc. I said it probably was partly an issue too but the PTSD and did stuff seems to be more intense over the last 3 to 4 weeks. I told her how some insiders were active now who hadnt been before. She agreed that this is causing a shift in the system, things are changing but she said thats not a bad thing. I agreed with her on that.
We talked about dissociation. She said she’s all for dissociation when its helping a person to survive. And that she thinks if we hadnt dissociated and split into other parts that we probably would not have survived, that dissociation helped us to survive unimaginable things. But now the war is over and we have survived, its time to break that dissociation down, break through the walls little by little. She said we will do it slowly over time so as not to flood the system and trigger us so much that we cant function or manage. I trust her that she knows what she is doing so I agreed that we could work more on that.
Liz and Jasmine both wanted time but there wasnt enough time to give them both some session time because I had so much I needed to work on. They werent too happy but Eileen said she would make time next week for both of them but that the stuff I was working on was important too in order that we would be able to function over the next week, which is stressful because of an upcoming exam and a project that is due.
At the end of the session we talked about holidays over christmas, she is taking two weeks off but she said that she’d see us next week on Thursday and then the following week which is the week of christmas she said she’d see us on either Tuesday or Wednesday. I’m glad of that because it wont seem like such a long break then.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

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