Therapy, anniversary date

Yesterday in therapy we spent the majority of the session talking about an upcoming anniversary date. It is the anniversary of when we disclosed the abuse, which this year is going to be 21 years ago. When we were 14. It happened close to christmas time. At the time our art teacher noticed that something was very wrong, and she pressed us about it. We denied it at first because we knew that if we ever breathed a word about the things that were happening we’d be in a lot of trouble, our abuser had told us he’d kill us, and our family if we ever told. But she kept pressing us until finally she got us to admit to being abused, even though we only told her sketchy details about it. She reported it to the nun in charge and we thought it was over. We thought we’d be saved. We thought there would be an end to it all. Unfortunately not. Nothing happened, well ok, something did happen, they got our mom to come to the school and take us home for a week. During that week they asked our abuser if he’d done anything, he denied it, and that was the end of the matter. We were not believed. Of course all the staff or the majority of them and the nuns were involved too, so why would anyone believe us? They only wanted to uphold the schools reputation, they didnt care how much hurt we’d gone through and who perpetrated it. So that was the gist of our therapy session yesterday, we spent a lot of time talking about all that. At first I had a very hard time opening up to eileen, I felt stuck, she had to keep encouraging me to talk to her. Eventually I was able to and once I started I couldnt stop. Its weird to me how that sometimes I find it so hard to open up to her. I really trust her and have known her for 3 years so I’m pretty sure I know how she’ll react to things by now. Yesterday it was like I didnt want to admit things to myself, let alone to her. We didnt work with Jasmine this week but she said we’d work with her again next week if she was willing to do that. The system is kinda in a mess right now so we had to work on trying to stabilise us before we can continue to work with Jasmine.

Author: Carol anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

6 thoughts on “Therapy, anniversary date”

  1. That’s awful, I’m so sorry. I can understand why this is so difficult for you. I’m so glad you’re talking about it, the disappointment, hurt and betrayal of your confidence. It’s just as important as the abuse itself because again you were let down. You’re trust destroyed. Keeping talking out the pain. You’re doing so well. Take care xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Please accept my sympathy! Child sexual abuse caused by a lay person or clergy is a painful subject. However, in my ‘The sinister side of Papa’, threatening and bully tactics were used to abuse young adult.

    Liked by 1 person

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