Jasmine suicide rambles

I just want to die. How come no one understands? I constantly feel like death is the only answer. Its horrible to wake up every day feeling suicidal. I tried to have fun last weekend, and I sorta did, but once I got home the horrible suicidal feelings returned. Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy. Maybe my life isnt meant to turn around. Our therapist says once I talk about the memories, let them go, that I will feel better. I am beginning to doubt that very much. Now that I have started sharing in therapy the flood gates have opened. Does it get worse before it gets better? Can anyone tell me? I dont think I can do this for much longer. I just want an end to the pain.

Jasmine

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “Jasmine suicide rambles”

  1. Jasmine it took great courage to post especially about suicide. Having constant thoughts of death is draining. It can get worse before it gets better. The good thing is you have insiders on the inside and therapist Eileen and Dr. Berry who can help. I hope you do reach out to Dr. Berry today. Maybe think of the small amount of fun you had this weekend to try to find a little hope. Is there anyone you care about in the system? Maybe realize you dying by suicide also kills the body and therefore the person you care about in the system. Life is so painful. I just want to send you supportive thoughts and hugs and say that I care and would miss you if you died.

    Yiska

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. It’s nice to know someone would miss me. I do care about people inside, I care about the Littles, I care about Carolann, so I guess I should think about them when I get thoughts and urges, thanks for your support

      Like

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