Dr Barry and our triggers

I’ll be seeing Dr Barry today. And I am so nervous. The truth is doing up the police report last time really triggered us. And I need to talk to her about that. And part of me screams no. I dont want to. I want to forget it. I dont wanna go there. But I cant forget it. The report is real. And soon it will be sent to the police, and my info will be out there. And there is no hiding from that. I need to let Dr Barry know how suicidal parts were because of the report. How just having info about our diagnosis, and our current difficulties going out to people that dont know us very well, is so scary to us. I know she’ll understand. So why am I so scared to talk to her about it? Why does it feel so risky? She has done an awesome job with the report. She wrote it in a way that makes things real but also portrays us well. I guess its just the realness of it. The fact that now these strangers know things about us, about our life, about where we’ve been…it just somehow feels bad or wrong or not ok. I wonder if she’s sent it in yet. Its the doing of it, and then the waiting for what will happen next, its all just so overwhelming. I think the best thing to do today is just blurt everything out to her. And take it from there. Dont hold back, easier said than done. I think what I need to remember is that she is on our side. She wants us to be able to trust her and talk to her and she will do what she can to help us feel safe. Deep down I know that and I do believe it.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

2 thoughts on “Dr Barry and our triggers”

  1. I think it is very brave. Just writing things out on our blog is triggering. I cannot imagine doing a police report. Very, very brave. I am glad you have your doctor. Thinking of you. xx -CC

    Liked by 1 person

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